A week closer to my last day of work and regardless of some set backs I am determined to succeed.
I went to the arbeitsamt and my hopes for support from them were scattered. I would only get support to start my own business if the job market in my industry would have nothing to offer. As I have experience in a call center there are plenty of jobs available. Why are there so many jobs available? Because nobody wants them. Well obviously some wanting and even I wanted this a while back.
After talking to my "advisor" I have limited options. I could cheat the system, but honestly I am not the type for that. So all I have left is to rely only on my own. Get as many applications out there as possible. First I need to get a better application picture. Right now I have the option between a 6 year old picture or a selfie. Both terrible options for a serious job application. I wonder why pictures are still relevant. They only lead to subconscious stereotyping.
Anyways, talking about more positive things in life:
I went for my first IPL session. It didn't hurt and my skin seems to be fine. So all that is left is to wait for the long term results.
Also very spontaneously my mom is going to visit me on the weekend.
All I can think is: I should clean!!!! All I do is not cleaning though....somethings wrong....

It was a good day and I was indeed excited to go to les miserable after work. Especially as I had the day off the next day -again.

We went to have dinner before the show and opted for a local Italian restaurant and I did not eat the whole desert menu (it was only 3items on the card and we shared!). I actually had to leave a quarter of the pizza I had ordered . Though I got to take it with me in a doggy bag. (It lasted until the interval)

What I did not notice earlier was that we would not be watching the renowned Broadway version but a weird adaptation that was so bad that it was funny again. The actors were terrible singers. As in I can probably hit as many notes as they can. However, always searching for a silver lining -as tough to by my boss-, the orchestra was really good. They came from Cologne and were conducted by a woman which is a rare thing to be sure.

The next morning I am all excited about my dad coming over to finally get my birthday present installed. A visit to Obi and almost no assistance on my part, the screen is now operational. I also used my dads' visit to get him to fix my dishwasher. Not that the dishwasher was broken, but I had no idea how to get it attached to the water drain as it turns out ikea is not always the best option to go for. We actually had to build a sort of adapter for me to be able to connect the dishwasher.

In the end it all seems to be working fine-more or less. I will have to monitor the pipes below the kitchen sink. It seems that the old tabs are leaking and I need to assess if turning off the pressure slightly is enough to fix it or if I need to search for a plumber.

My dad left the same evening-not before eating at a local Italian again (delicious) and having a piece of cake in the cafe kirchplatz. Once he left I got to inaugurate my very own cinema.

Now I forced myself to not watch anymore Netflix for a little while. This is highly addictive and I have to stay focused on my goals.

So I made a schedule. Something to get a better routine. Especially once I am off work it will important to self-motivate and organize.

Next steps:
Go to gym 4times a week
Create a detailed business plan
Create a spending sheet
Apply for part time jobs

A lot to do. A lot to do.

And there lies the problem with last minute ideas: they almost always mess up the plan. Because I wanted to have a few of my designs printed out in case I wanna show them (not that that would actually happen), I missed the subway I wanted to take. Well technical issue with my printer delayed me leaving. With a 15min delay I got into a subway to arrive at the s-bahn station and naturally the trains are delayed due to engine issues... With all of this I am almost certain I won't get to the green salon in time to listen to the talk about gots at 12noon.
I want to throw a tantrum about how stupid I am and how unfair the world is and that karma is indeed a bitch. But as that won't change a thing, instead I am focusing on writing. Thinking about the positive things in live. I slept in - I have a day off- the s-bahn is heated but not hot- I am on my way to an event that only fashion insiders can go to. I am so glad I am working with Anna!
Now I do want to throw that tantrum after all. I am 1-2 stations away from the postbahnhof and they just played the message that we will be delayed as the rails are blocked! I mean come on! Karma, what have I done to deserve to be on your bad side?
So I did indeed miss the GOTS talk. In the meantime I found some good sources that might help me find a local manufacture for my print as well as garments. Getting a smaller carbon footprint already.
Overall this show confirms the natural view of Eco-fashion. Dull prints or plain colors all over the place. In total I found two designers that actually had bright colors in print. One of them used recycled polyamid. With that I would have liked to learn where they produced but they were never available for questions.
Now I am waiting on the next talk providing market research for the ethical fashion industry.
What do I take away from that? Ethical fashion is now more than ever important for survival rather than nice to have. It is more responsible fashion than anything.
And then on my way out I talked to Feldmann Wolf. The above mentioned designer and guess what they print their fabric in Stuttgart and the sewing is done in Buxtehude by refugees. Interesting.
Now I had to decide if I stay there doing nothing for almost 4 hours or go home. Had I seen any of the labels that excited me from the show line up I might have. But having seen that they had videos on Facebook I decided to leave and review all the leavelets I had collected.
In the end it was the right decision to leave. Watching the fashion show on Facebook I have to admit it was more professional than the alternative fashion show. And funny enough on stage even the dull designs looked extremely cool and I would consider wearing it. So I understand the appeal of this type of apparel.

49
I woke up and could still move. That is a good sign. And as advised by my trainer I am going to do some cardio in the gym now. However it took me 30min longer this morning to get all my stuff together.
Later I will be meeting a friend from Spain. I feel like I'd rather sleep right now but I am still looking forward to seeing him again after almost 2years.
Interestingly I managed to stay on the cardio for 35min but am now actually feeling some tension in my muscles.
The trip to the gedenkstätte Berliner Mauer feels more like an odyssey and personally I don't find the idea of the place exciting or interesting at all. It is a symbol of separation and it should always be there to remind us of how stupid some governments can be, but to meet there for fun is something I cannot fathom.
It was fecking freezing and I was waiting for 40 min. When I was finally giving up my friend run into me, who was waiting on the other end of the street. I was so angry with him though in hindsight it is probably for my fault than his (but don't tell anyone). We decided to search for a cafe to get warmed up I had a hot white chocolate and a quiche- not very vegan of me :( but it was delicious.
Now I am hoping to get into bed by 10, otherwise I won't make it to get up at 5 to 5.30.

I was thinking about my Eurovision outfits... I really want to fit into my dress from last year and make a few new ones. As I have the prints already I need to get my thinking cap on for the design. This time I want to make something with a bit more quality than my last years attempts. Considering that I have time to design and any of my silhouette designs can be interpreted for Eurovision I am hopeful.

48
Waking up at 6.30 indicated that I was indeed not fit for the gym. Instead I booked my next flight to Dublin after several attempts during the weekend had failed. Talking about Dublin: severe weather warning was issued due to chances of snow and temperatures plummeting to -1C. Considering that it was -8C in Berlin with quite some snowfall I smile at the idea of the mild weather in Ireland.

47
Right now nothing seems to motivate me to get out of bed. In the end it took me about an hour. Which also means I will have only about an hour in the gym. At least I am going.

46
I am looking forward to tonight. I am going to the theatre to see my fair lady. From the looks of the posters it is a classical adaptation. Which to me also means I get to see a few beautiful garments.
Highlight from a fashion point of view were the black/white outfits at the racecourse. Overall it was a 7/10. The vocal performance was good but not great. The theatrical part was really good from most roles.

45
IKEA day. Today I set out to get my kitchen an upgrade by getting a kitchen table and a mini dishwasher. Also my tab had to be fixed as it was leaking. So glad I have a handy neighbor friend, who fixed the leak and accompanied my to ikea (and media markt and Bauhaus).
While I ended up not buying a table I was happy at the end of the day as I got the right idea of what I want for a table. I also got the extensions needed for my dishwasher (initially I wanted to hide the dishwasher under the sink but then the water would not have been able to drain.), and the projector screen that I get installed next Friday. I also got an audio connector for my sound station and a new DVD.

44
I have found a table. Searching online for a industrial wood to make my own table I found one on eBay that is exactly what I want... Well it is a bit too short, but I'm currently talking to the seller to see if he can manufacture one for me with longer legs. At the moment it might work with just a little increase in price.
In the afternoon I went to see the Russian circus on ice. It was really aimed at children and therefore the presentations at times really low. However, artistically it was enjoyable. Highlight of the show was possibly the moment they started hula hooping with cubes.

43
My next EMS session. Today my arms seem to have been the focus of pain. Well, the things we do to get what we want... Today, however, have also learned something new that is probably useful for a lot of people trying to get rid of a few pounds in certain areas. No matter what sport you do, you cannot manipulate your body, to tell him where he should take from his reserves. So while sport will tone a specific area that becomes tighter, it will not necessarily makes you skinnier. For that purpose I actually have to create a negative energy balance at the end of the day and use the power of mind to hope for certain areas.

42
I am so excited. I just got a ticket to a fashion trade show. This one is two in one: the ethical fashion show Berlin and the green show room. In an ideal world I will get to see the talk about global organic textile standards, the salon show and the ethical fashion on stage as well getting to talk to some experts about green sourcing of fashion in Berlin and the options to reduce the carbon footprint of a collection.

41
I am getting ready for the trade show. I'm finally wearing my project denim jumper. The one I bought on the alternative fashion show last autumn... I think this day should get a separate post.

53
Off work. Trying to use all my holiday balance as everyone keeps telling me that getting them paid out is not worth it due to the horrendous taxes. I slept it-until 6.30. And then went to work. Well only next door. 70min work out is not too bad but I want to get back to my 90-120 min in the gym. I'll give it a month.
Now it is all about packing. Gift wrapping and getting ready for my flight tonight. Packing my hand luggage. Though I almost have nothing to take with me. My bag probably only weights 5kg. And that is with the gifts. If I had time in Dublin I'd say I should go shopping. But I won't.
I left my apartment at 7pm and arrived in good time for boarding at 7.50 only to have announced that my flight is delayed by 1h.... But I won't let that dim my happiness about going home. Checking my boarding pass I realized that it did not show my seat number. I was pretty sure I had booked a window seat in row 11. The stewardess should be able to help...
As she did not have the passenger list just yet she was not much help. And naturally both window seats in row 11 were already occupied. It turned out though that I was right and 11A was my seat. As the flight was not fully booked instead of insisting on sitting on 11A, I asked to sit in one of the free rows. Upon that I was asked to sit in an exit row. Now, I really hope that the one time I am actually sitting at an overwing exit I do not have to use the instructions I naturally read carefully.... Good riddance...
I hope everything will go smoothly once we land. I know I will need to go through another pass control and then to sixt. We'll see what kind of car I get. As ally I have requested the smallest car possible.

52
I woke up to bad Eurovision news. My apartment that I had booked month ago is ages away from the arena. I had asked the host but she said it is not that far. Now my initial co-traveler has found two other friends that want to go to Eurovision and thinks about renting this close by- really expensive flat and I cannot cancel mine, nor can I afford to pay for both apartments. Maybe I will find someone for at least a few days to join me....
Movie day. It is funny that in Berlin I never really have the desire to go to the movies. There are theaters showing movies in their original version with subtitles. But it is not the same. So this weekend I want to see assassins creed in cineworld, passengers in the savoy and finally rogue one in odeon.
My friends probably won't be too impressed if I am in the movies all day long. But they could come along, right?
I ended up watching assassins creed and as I have never played the game I could actually enjoy it even with in my opinion not the best cast. After meeting some of my vegan friends in a vegan restaurant (I had a hemp burger-not the best choice) I went to watch a movie that was not on my list: collateral beauty. Not outstanding but nice to watch. I finished my movie marathon with passengers. Firstly I cannot recommend the savoy. Compared to cineworld and odeon it is not a nice movie theatre. Secondly, I was glad that the chemistry between the two actors was better than the trailer had led on. It was partially predictable but overall a good movie.
Afterwards I went to the party I had originally booked my flight to Dublin for. It was in a nice bar on the other end of town and a good few people showed up. I was happy to see quite a few familiar faces.

51
Instead of going to the rogue one I went for breakfast and shopping with my two former housemates. A beautiful dress and a leggings later I am now on my flight back to Berlin. It was a good day. It was overall a good trip. I miss Ireland. And it is bittersweet to bit it another farewell. I keep coming back though. My next stop on this beautiful island is in March -not for paddys day.

50
My first EMS training. Basically I let someone electrocute my body in order to get muscle stimulation. A 20min session should replace a 2h workout. It is a bit like cheating really.but at the same time I can see how the 20min make up for 2hours. Usually I would train only a certain muscle region at a time. Here 7 areas get worked simultaneously. It is a bit strange when you first but on this wet suit. Even weirder is the feeling when they start the electric impulses. I first had to laugh but that was soon over. It did not hurt much though. I will have to ask the trainer next time to only work my legs to the point that I can still walk stairs. Going home was quite a challenge. Walking down the stairs I was sure my knees would give in. And I felt like I had to throw up.

54 days to my last day at work. It is amazing what the prospect of not going back to work does to me! I am actually happy. It's not that I hate my job but I have this feeling that leaving will finally bring a good change with it. I feel like not having a plan and yet plan is astoundingly comforting. I know what I want and I know how I want it. Even the fear to fail is right now more a feeling of excitement. I feel like I am on a roller coaster just waiting for the thrill of the downwards ride. Knowing that it will go up again.

At the moment I have so many things planned and booked that have nothing to do with work that most people probably think I cannot take my with to become an entrepreneur serious. And yet I do. But having worked 50h a week for something I had lost my passion for, I strongly believe that I can work 60-80h and still do the occasional off work thing.

And tonight I am enjoying one of my birthday gifts. The one. A show featuring outfits by Jean Paul Gaultier. So in a way it is relating to my designing future. Maybe I get inspired to some crazy new ideas. I have my drawing pad with me and the ride home is about an hour long. Now I am waiting to get inside. 25min for the show to start.

The buzzing of the people around me promises an evening of excitement. The temperature slowly rising with the Christmas decorations slightly out of place. But after all it is not 3kings yet so why remove it.

The crowd is not all I expected and it is nice to see that at least some still dress up for an evening at the theatre. And this one is called palace. There is something quite interesting about a man in a tux and a black bow tie.
There is something quite funny about the middle-aged woman with her golden sparkling dress. Probably the only fancy thing she owns.

15min to go and I am in the front row. My foot is basically touching the stage. Not being too tiny myself I am hoping for a small person at least to my right.

The smell of cheap perfume is terrorizing. I might get used to it before the show starts.

I am not sure what the staging is supposed to be. It looks like pants with a whole in the middle and a old map of the world as a print. I took a picture before they advised that fotos are not permitted.

8min to go. Might I be lucky enough to have the seat next to me empty? Could I really be that lucky.... No I was not. Seating on the wrong side.... Right.... Left.... Is that not just typically me? :)

Interval.
Omg. I need them to slow down. I want to see all the outfits. There are so many! And so brilliant. There is a reason Gaultier is a superstar in haute couture. Everything is so beautiful and I think I missed some of it. I think it is amazing that even neon diving gear looks so fashionable. I think I even recognized a conchita in there. My personal favorite are the punks and leather village people. The garments were stunningly beautiful regardless if male or female couture.

The show itself is also really nice. Beautiful songs. Amazing choreography and wonderfully artistic dancers. I think I'd like to the this show again but not first row. I think being so close gives your some advantages but let's you loose sight of the bigger picture.
In the end it was a really great show though they did not need to end with a glitter bomb. I probably will find glitter god knows where over the next few days.